I spent a lot of time at Greenlake this past weekend. The weather was gorgeous, my mom was in town, the lake looked pretty and it makes for a nice walk/run. All good reasons for me to be there. You know who doesn’t have a good reason to be at Greenlake? People on wheels. I think wheels should be banned from Greenlake, and the following rant explains why. Keep in mind that this rant is of the rhetorical (and for the sake of a disclaimer, comedic) variety. I’m not necessarily searching for a solution. Mostly I just want to complain. And I promise if I see you at Greenlake riding a unicycle, I won’t heckle you. But I might mentally will you to fall.
Why Wheels Should Be Banned From Greenlake: A Seattle Belles Rant
I think any recreational vehicle that requires wheels should be banned from Greenlake. This definition includes, but is not limited to rollerblades, rollerskates, skateboards, longboards, bicycles, unicycles, and strollers. Yes, even strollers. Greenlake is not a very big lake, and the path around it is not very wide. When crammed with people, as it was this last weekend, the last thing Greenlake needs are people on wheels zooming between the walkers and runners. It doesn’t matter how loud you shout “On your left,” I don’t have enough time or space to get out of your way. I also probably have headphones in, and therefore can’t hear you until you’re three way-too-close-for-comfort inches from my minding-my-own-business pedestrian self. Below are some vehicle-specific reasons why wheels have no place at Greenlake.
Bicycles: The lake is only 2.8 miles around. That is a very short bike ride. Like 10 minutes or less short. The amount of time it takes you to get your bike in and out of the car is equal to the amount of time you’re riding it around Greenlake. Pointless.
Rollerblades/rollerskates: You look ridiculous. Go to a roller rink where your flavor of ridiculous is normal.
Strollers: I’m sure your children are lovely. You know what is not lovely? The fact you think a stroller gives you the right to plow down the middle of the path, sometimes three strollers wide, forcing everyone else into the grass, gravel, bushes, lake, etc. Rude and inconsiderate. Side note: To the parents running Greenlake while pushing a stroller. You’ve earned the right to be there. I only want you to leave because you make feel lazy even though I’m exercising.
Skateboards and longboards: Society created skateboard parks to keep you out of other parks. Go find one. The Greenlake path is uneven and bumpy, and if you fall mid “olley” or whatever, I don’t want to have to find you a band aid. Oh, and to those of you with the big long sticks: if you need a stick to gain momentum, you’re doing it wrong.
Unicycles: You are on a unicycle. I repeat, you are on a unicycle. It’s probably time to reevaluate your life plan. And get the eff out of my way.
Peace, love and pedestrians. I’m out.